”He kisses me with the desperation of a dying man who believes the magic of eternal life is in this kiss.”

If your favorite tv show doesn’t make you want to stab yourself repeatedly in the heart, then it’s not your favorite tv show.
For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over again.